James had just started a new job and was nearing the end of his first week, he was a little nervous about not knowing anyone and being the ‘new guy’. There was one girl - Becky - in the office, she was particularly friendly and was already calling James ‘babe’ the day after they’d met. The attention made him feel flattered but there was something not right he just couldn’t put his finger on.

Bonding and Trust

Have you ever met someone that instantly acts like your best friend? It can be hard to spot, because it feeds your ego and you may be tempted to overlook it. If a charming person is smiling at you warmly and calling you babe, it may make you feel good, you may feel like this person fully appreciates or admires you.

Don’t be naive and think this is truly the case; a relationship of mutual respect takes time to build and cannot be shortcut. If someone is showing you an unusual amount of respect or familiarity too quickly, it is likely that it is false.

Respect Takes Time to Build

If you are bringing a new dog into your household then you probably want it to go as smoothly as possible. It is very important to establish the correct rules from the outset. A relationship of mutual respect must be built with exercise, discipline and affect. In that order.

Don’t fret if you have a dog and have been lax with setting boundaries. With dogs it’s never too late! You may have to work a little harder but you can still achieve balance.

 That being said, what are some effective methods for establishing trust?

1. THE WALK

Walking with the pack is something a dog is used to doing everyday. In nature, the alpha-dog will determine where, when and at what pace the pack walks at. By being in control and consistently walking you are sending a clear message to your pet that you are the pack leader.

If you have to be firm don’t feel bad - your dog will actually be happier when it feels secure in your leadership skills.

2. NOVELTY, VARIETY, CHALLANGE

To summarize the key findings of the last 20 years of neuroscience research on how to “exercise our brains”, there are three things that we can strive for: novelty, variety and challenge. If we do these three things, we will build new connections in our brains, be mindful and pay attention to our environment, improve cognitive abilities such as pattern-recognition, and in general contribute to our lifelong brain health. Source: Sharpbrains.

Humans are humans are dogs are dogs, that is not to be confused. However there more time I spend with dogs the more they teach me about myself. I have noticed several correlations between the needs of dogs and the needs of humans to achieve balance.

I am also a firm believer that the Novelty, Variety, Challenge mantra is applicable for a dogs growth. The more situations that you could expose your dog too - and done correctly - will help build your pets confidence.

Increased confidence will result in less behavioural problems and will greatly assist in establishing a bond and building trust with your dog. Try mix up the activities you do together and it will go a long way to deepening your bond.

3. ESTABLISH RULES FROM THE OUTSET

I mentioned it earlier but it warrants repeating. It is easier to set good habits then it is to rehabilitate bad ones. If you don’t want your dog to jump on the couch or enter certain rooms you need to make that clear immediately and consistently.

If you are living with other people then you may have to ask them to help in this matter, otherwise your dog may end up confused about the household rules.

4. EMBODY LEADERSHIP

This is one of the great benefits for humans; getting to practice our leadership skills and having instant feedback about what we’re doing well and when we could do better. When you are out with your dog and you come across a confrontational situation - such as another barking dog - you must ensure you stay calm and in control of the situation.

This is not the time to pet or talk to your dog, instead you should ask your dog not to pay attention to the other dog and to instead do something else. If you don’t pull this off with 100% effectiveness then pay attention! Your dog is giving you life coaching lessons on how to improve your leadership skills.

5. PHYSICAL CONTACT

While it is important to never praise a dog during unwanted behaviour it is just as important to reward your dog for its good behaviour. Your dog should be comfortable being close to you and should associate your touch with reward.

If you are partial to a bit of drama go nuts! Use those theatrical skills and make a big deal over your dog - it’s likely to enjoy it just as much as anyone else watching!

Jay had been seeing Sandy for 3 months and she got on well with his German Shepherd Max. However when Sandy began to bring her young son John to visit, Max would exhibit aggressive behaviour towards John. There was no way Jay was getting rid of Max so this left him in an awkward situation with Sandy! Worst of all, he had absolutely no idea what to do about the aggressive behaviour.

Child Aggressive Dogs

What Jay failed to realise is that some dogs will perceive children differently to adults. Children will smell, sound and walk differently to adults and are often easily excitable.

Remember: dogs associate excitement with instability and, it is in a dog’s nature to react to energy that seems unbalanced or unstable.

Take a moment to think about a stereotypical kid’s reaction to seeing a new dog, perhaps even a puppy. Did excitement feature in that scenario? The reality is that the majority of parents do not teach their children the correct way to behave around animals.

Myth - It is ok to greet a dog with excitement and to use direct eye contact

What should I teach my kids to do?

If you’re bringing a new pet into your household you should take time to discuss with your children the appropriate way to behave around dogs.

Ensure any dog you bring around your children is under your control - walking correctly beforehand is a great method for establishing your authority

Instruct your children to always project a calm assertive energy and teach them that dogs may perceive direct eye contact as a threat

For any readers out there I would love to know:

Do you think it’s important for parents to discuss with their children how to behaviour around animals?

Do you teach your kids how to behave?

If so, what do you tell them?

When I first got my puppy he was so lovable and cute. When I had guests over he would get excited and loved to play, recently however he has started to growl at my friends and barks when someone gets close to me. Please help!

This is a typical scenario of an owner with good intentions inadvertently promoting territorial behaviour. A lot of people want a ‘guard dog’ but end up creating a monster that needs to be locked away even when trusted friends and family visit.

 It doesn’t have to be this way!

That’s right; you can have a friendly, sociable dog when visitors are around that will listen to you and respect your boundaries. Not only that, your dog will still protect your home from intruders because they are so good at reading intention. Your job is to set clear rules and make it easy for your dog to understand how you expect it to behave in various situations. In the hopes of helping you achieve this goal I have created the following 5 steps to follow:

1. Aggression is unacceptable

I always encourage people to never accept aggression from their pet. By not correcting aggressive behaviour you are telling your dog that it is acceptable to bark / bite your friends. Many people believe that by telling their dog not to be aggressive to strangers that they will blunt it’s effectiveness as a guard dog, this is simply not true.

It is imperative that you consistently correct aggressive behaviour and make sure your dog knows that it’s unacceptable.

2. Set rules boundaries and limitations

Does your dog charge to the door as soon as someone knocks? Does your beloved canine growl at someone when they get close to your bed? If so you should be making it clear that this type of behaviour is unacceptable. When your dog is engaging in an unwanted or antisocial behaviour make sure you tell it firmly no! They key here is to do it immediately and consistently. Another common mistake is to pet your animal during times of distress. Understand: this will only reinforce that type of behaviour – don’t do it!

3. Pay attention to the early signs

A stitch in time saves nine

The best method for rehabilitating territorial behaviour is to catch it early. Always pay attention to your dog’s behaviour. In particular watch for signs of aggression such as; growling, barking and mounting. If you see any of these signs then it’s time to step into action and practice those pack leader skills!

4. Dogs can sense intention

This is not so much a step as it is a concept to understand. Most dogs will have a natural instinct to protect their home. What most people don’t realise is that you can have a sweet-tempered and good natured dog to all visitors that will still protect you should an incident – such as burglary – occur. Don’t underestimate your dog’s ability to read intention and energy – they are much better at it then we are!

5. Build confidence through exercise and socialisation

Consistent exercise is great prevention for unwanted behaviours. Going for your daily walk is also an excellent opportunity to socialise your dog and teach it to not be afraid of everyday things.  

The human lesson

Any instance where you need to practice your pack leader skills is a great opportunity for personal growth. Our actions become our habits - by consistently practicing leadership and setting rules, boundaries and limitations you are reinforcing those positive habits for your daily life. One of the biggest paradigm shifts for me was learning to relish practicing my pack leader skills. This mindset is truly one of the greatest gifts we can be given from our loyal companions.

You just got home to find out that your Rottweiler has ripped up your couch again. Not only that, your neighbours have been giving you dirty looks lately because every time some kids walk past your house your dog becomes extremely territorial and won’t stop barking and lunging at them. The last time the couch incident happened you took the dog back to the shredded furniture, pointed at it and firm voice said ‘No! Bad dog!’

Has anything like this ever happened to you? If not, I’m willing to bet that someone you know has gone through similar problems at some point with their dog. In this scenario people tend to become emotional, often blaming the dog and trying to talk to or reason with it.

What many dog owners don’t realise is that:

Energy will be released in either a positive or negative way

While different breeds will have different levels of energy, it is inevitable that your dog will release that energy in one way or another. If your dog is getting regular exercise and its needs are being fulfilled, then it will be balanced and happy. If these needs are neglected though, that energy will turn into frustration - the cause of the couch incident - and may even escalate into aggression or possessiveness.

It is important to realise that you, as the owner, will directly influence whether your dog releases its energy in either a positive or negative manner.

Dogs need to walk. In the wild, a pack of dogs will migrate often, as a result, dogs will feel a strong instinctual desire to walk with its pack. Not only is the walk a great for exercise and draining energy, it is also an excellent source of happiness for your dog(s).

Missing its daily walk is likely to be the main source of your dogs unhappiness

What happens to excess energy? When a dog rips up your couch, whines when you leave or constantly digs holes in the garden it is communicating with you. It is telling you that it’s needs are not being fulfilled. Without a walk or some healthy activity to drain its energy, a dog will be unbalanced and unable to relax. This is when your dog is likely to engage in unhealthy behaviours as a way to release it’s built up frustration.

Understand; it is your responsibility to ensure that you are fulfilling your dogs needs. As the pack leader you are the determining factor to your packs happiness.

Correction has a very small window of opportunity

Being a good pack leader requires you to be vigilant. If your dog is engaging in an unwanted behaviour that you want to correct, then you must tell your dog immediatlly after it happens. Unfortunately 5 minutes after the incident is too late, dogs cannot rationalise like we can and if you try and correct a dog for something it did in the past it will only become confused.

Effective correction requires that you address the behaviour immediately and consistently. So when your dog misbehaves, bring it back to the spot pronto - this will help the dog understand what you expect from it.

The human lesson

One of the things that excites me so much about dog behaviour is the profound lessons we can learn for our own personal growth. The concept that energy will be released in either a positive or negative way is also true for humans. However instead of ripping up the couch or becoming dog aggressive when we don’t use our energy productively, we turn to drugs, alcohol, gambling or some other destructive behaviour.

There are loads of great websites on the net offering advice for self improvement or changing habits. However, if you’re not having much luck with previous methods you’ve tried, have you perhaps considered getting a dog?

By fulfilling the needs of your pack, you will also be fulfilling your own needs. A walk is not just beneficial for your dog, it is an excellent way to drain energy for humans also. When you demand discipline from your pack, you are also demanding discipline from yourself - by going through the daily motions of being an effective pack leader you will be reinforcing positive behaviours and beliefs within yourself.

Being a dog owner is a great way to release energy - in a positive way. Remember; the pack has the power to rehabilitate not only dogs, but also humans!

Dan arrived at the party and fidgeted nervously, he didn’t get out much and as a result social situations made him anxious. After a few awkward encounters people started to avoid Dan because he was a bore. This left Dan feeling angry and unwanted.

Sound familiar? Chances are that at some point your social skills will have been left wanting. As humans this is something that we all go through, and when people ignore us this conditions us to change and adapt so that we can better fit in. By exposing ourselves to more challenging situations we get the opportunity to practice and improve our social skills.

Dogs have social skills too

It seems obvious; like us, dogs are social creatures. While this concept is straight forward, what many people fail to realise is that this also means that dogs need the opportunity to practice their social skills. As the owner, it is your responsibility to fulfil these needs.

What happens if my dog is not socialised? By failing to correctly socialise your dog you are effectively encouraging your dog to engage in antisocial behaviours. These can include excessive barking, separation anxiety, fear, aggression and many more.

How do I socialise my dog?

The good news is that socialising your dog is fun and you get to be as creative as you want. While there is no magic formula for socialising your dog here is 5 principles to keep in mind:

1. Don’t praise when you should be correcting

If your dog is engaging in an unwanted behaviour then do not praise it. By praising in times of stress you are effectively saying ‘good dog, bark at those kids’. This requires you to be perceptive to your dog’s state of mind - in order to correct behaviour you must do it immediately. Another point to keep in mind is don’t use your pets name while you are correcting, the reason for this is that your dog will have a positive association with its name and get confused as to whether you are praising or correcting it.

2. Ask your dog to do something else instead

Correction does not mean punishment. If for example, your dog barks excessively at skateboarders, then simply ask it to do something else. Make it clear that you want it to be paying attention to you and to ignore the passing skateboarder. Also, if you know ahead of time that your dog reacts to passing skaters don’t get anxious yourself because..

3. Dogs live in the moment

If you and your animal have had a bad past experience before then its quite normal for you to be anxious when that situation occurs again. This is something you must train yourself not to do. By becoming anxious you are telling your dog that it is acceptable for them to behave how they did in the past. Take control of the situtation and clearly explain what behaviour you want.

4. Expose your dog to many different situations

Ideally you want your dog to be comfortable with people, other dogs, runners, bike riders, skaters, loud noises etc. In order for this to happen you have to expose your animal to new stimuli frequently. Thorough socialisation will provide your dog with confidence and reduce the likelihood of confidence-related problems such as fear, aggression or separation anxiety.

Practice makes perfect - be creative in thinking up new ways to expose yourself and your loyal companion to new situations and you will both grow for it. If you’re stuck for ideas you could always consider socialisation classes.

5. Walk the pack before you take them to the dog park

Going to the dog park is not a substitute for a walk. By taking your dog for a walk prior to entering the dog park you are doing the other owners a favour. A good walk will drain energy and reduce the chance of your dog getting into an altercation with another dog. Obviously the dog park is a great place for your dog to practice it’s social skills but it shouldn’t be used as a substitute for the walk. Be considerate to others and do your part to maintain balance of the greater pack!

Understand: dogs are social creatures just like us. Think about the most antisocial person you know, do they have many friends? Do they spend the majority of their free time by themselves or doing the same thing over and over? By not making a concerted effort to let your dog be social you are in human terms, turning your friend into ‘a bore’ to other dogs, which in turn leads to antisocial behaviours.

Benefits to humans

One of the things that excites me most about dog behaviour is the lessons we can learn for our own personal growth. By thoroughly socialising your dog you are also exposing yourself to new situations and adventures, it’s a great opportunity to get to know other people and their dogs. Conversely, it’s a great reminder of how people will respond to us if we choose to neglect our social skills..

 I hope you have enjoyed this post. If this has been of any help to you or you have any other ideas you believe would be valuable please post them in the comments box.

Keywords: Separation Anxiety, Barking Dog, Dog Socialisation, Dog Socialization, Running Away, Training Tips, Aggression, Dog Park, Dog Obedience, Pet Care, Housebreaking, Scared Dog, Afraid Dog, Antisocial Dog